Posts Tagged ‘dating’

The Warm-up Talk

Posted: February 6, 2013 in Uncategorized
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Some of you reading this message are single and intend to marry. Some of you have proposed and others have been proposed to. Some of you are in serious relationships leading to marriage. Some of you do not have any man or woman in your lives. No problem; we are in February and you can meet someone and in less than 8 months get married. So if you are reading this, there is hope for you and there is something I want to share with you.

My advice is very simple and straight to the point as I always love to make it. Before you marry, have a thorough premarital counseling. It is very important. There are some traits and attributes in your potential spouse the effects of which might only come up in the future. Counseling will open your eyes to them and it can help you decide whether you want to go on with the marriage or not. And should you want to go on, steps to take to accommodate them or manage these traits and attributes. Counseling will also tell you what to do and what not to do to have the best of your marriage. Again, It will further open your eyes to many things and give you better meaning to them. I will recommend Bishop Dag Heward-Mills’ ‘Model Marriage’ to anyone who wants a counseling material to read.

Again find yourself a mentor or someone who is old and commands certain amount of respect in your eyes and be accountable to. YOU would need someone who can look into your face and rebuke and correct you if you are going wayward. Esther had Mordecai, David had Nathan, Hezekiah had Isaiah, Solomon, however, had no one; which was why he messed big time.

Start saving Money or start buying stuff towards the wedding and the life thereafter. If you want to save money, have a separate bank account for that purpose and save in there. Decide how much you would want to put there on monthly or weekly basis. You can make it a percentage of whatever income that comes to you. When the time comes for buying stuff, Men, let the women buy their own engagement stuff, after all she will use them. Both of you must agree who would wrap them. But of course it must get to the man before the day of the engagement. Men do not insist on buying the engagement stuff otherwise she might end up not using them…ever. If she tells you to go ahead and buy them because of where you are located, or her faith in your taste, fine then. Women for the sake of respect, use the things brought to you for the engagement. It shows you appreciate them. Some men go through hell raising money to put up engagements and weddings.

During this period of preparation, there will be a lot of tension; Please fight the issue not the person. Men, soften your stance on some of the issues. Wedding colors, seriously? Do not fight over it with her. Let her choose her colors. Be happy to help if you are invited to. If you are an artist and your wife is color blind yet she insists on choosing the colors, then na waaah for you. Lol. You can still talk to a couple of people she respects and see if they can change her mind to come along with you. If you can’t get her to come along, then allow her; after all the wedding is all about her. The décor and all that too is for her to arrange. The food and drinks and all the ko mininis? Well for money sakes, the man has to have a say since he has the cheque book. With the menu, well, let the woman help out unless she is from the greener side of the country where culinary sophistry has not yet landed. With that too, you do not have to fight, you must discuss it. If the man insists, then woman, step back and let the man contract a caterer he feels can do a better job. But men, remember it is a lifetime event; do not play ego with it.

Men are not supposed to see the wedding dress, so either she is buying her own stuff or you are giving her money to buy it. The only exception is where he is located where a better collection of wedding gowns are available and has to buy it and bring it to the woman. Men back off from her accessories.

Both of you must agree on the number of people in the bridal party. Discuss with your bridal party if they would want to take up the cost of their own clothing. If they are willing, then you are blessed; it is money saved. If they are not willing to foot that cost, well then, you’ve got to consider the number of people in the party… unless you have cash to pay for it all. Ladies want to have it all large and long; are you willing to foot the cost? If not, let the man have a say. Do not drain him.

Both of you must agree on the choice of metal for your rings. Yellow Gold is perfect, White Gold is en-vogue, and platinum is the ish. If you can’t afford gold, silver is not bad…for starters. Ladies do not put pressure on the men to buy Platinum rings when he can’t afford many other things. And do not force him into getting you a ring with a huge stone which will cost him a fortune. After all it is just a wedding; there is the real life of marriage to live after the wedding, do not enter it bankrupt.

Ladies, be willing to soften your stance on the date to have the event. He is the man so give him that respect. If you have genuine reasons why it has to be done on date A or B, discuss it with him. No drama, no emotional blackmail. Do not attempt to influence his choice of clothes unless you both agree you can help him out in a better way. Always talk to his best man if he proves difficult on any issue….unless the best man is worse off… then you can talk to a trusted brother or cousin or his father. If by this time you do not have that relationship with his family, cancel the wedding…you are not ready to marry.

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Facing an awkward conversation? Use these tips from Debra Fine, author of The Fine Art of Small Talk, and you’ll never scramble for the right words.

When you’re in the elevator:
No need to talk to a stranger. But if it’s someone you know or, worse, your boss, say, “Hi,” then “Have a great day” as you get off. You’re being polite but not pressuring her into a stop-and-chat.

When a friend is going through a tough time:
Whatever it is, she no doubt needs to be heard. So ask how she’s doing, and say “That sounds frustrating,” or “What happened next?” to let her know you are truly interested.

When you’re at a party with strangers:
Lead with what brought you both there. Ask “How do you know the host?” Common ground is a great ice-breaker.

Kimberly Holland

Ten signs of a healthy relationship

Posted: September 6, 2012 in Love
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Humans are naturally social creatures, craving connections with people, including intimacy and love. Whether you’re searching for someone or striving to improve the relationship you’re in, it helps to know the hallmarks of a strong relationship.

The 10 signs of a healthy relationship include basic principles such as communication and appreciation, as well as tips for handling arguments and conflict.




Trust is an essential element for all relationships. Each partner should have faith in the other. You should not have to wonder if your lover is telling the truth.


According to Teens Health, strong relationships must include mutual respect. Your partner should never put you down, mock you or make degrading remarks about you. When your lover appreciates and loves you for who you are, he will show respect for you.


Communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. The University of Texas at Austin Counseling and Mental Health Center advises couples to set aside time to regularly check in with each other, so they can deal with any issues before they blow up or become unmanageable.


Life is constantly changing, and healthy relationships recognize that fact. Lovers need to be flexible to adapt to changes in each others’ work, home and family lives, as well as changes in the dynamics and stages of the relationship.

Shared Interests

Sharing interests allows couples to bond and enjoy spending free time together. Many couples share a love of sports, movies, pets, cooking, fashion, travel, reading or art. Having at least one activity you enjoy doing together will bring you closer and offer a way to de-stress and reconnect during hard times.

Alone Time

Just as spending time together strengthens your relationship, having time apart is important as well. Couples need to remember that they had separate lives before falling in love, and maintaining separate interests gives each person breathing room. Both partners should have some regular alone time to enjoy individual interests and recharge.

Friends and Family

Healthy relationships include strong connections with friends and family. Although the beginning stages of falling in love can be intense and make you want to see no one but your lover, it’s important to maintain your relationships with other people you care about with regular visits, outings and get-togethers. Strong relationships gain power from outside connections, keeping the relationship exciting and dynamic while preventing suffocation.


Compromise is necessary in any relationship, whether you’re at work or with your spouse. Both partners must be willing to make concessions to reach the common good. The best relationships include an equal amount of sacrifice from each partner, so no one feels taken advantage of or ignored.

Arguing Fairly

There comes a time in every relationship where arguments arise, and it is important that you both fight fair, expressing your own opinion and also listening to the other person’s viewpoint. Techniques such as taking time to cool off, writing feelings in a journal and talking to a relationship therapist are all healthy ways to deal with emotional arguments.


It is important for each person to feel appreciated in a relationship. Praise your partner, offer compliments and use creative ways to show you care. Problems can arise when you or your partner feel unappreciated and taken for granted. The point of a relationship is to feel loved, so be sure you both show you care.


10 Ways to Shake Up Date Night

Posted: August 29, 2012 in Love
Tags: ,

Do something different

By Jacquelyne Froeber
From Health magazine

After being in a relationship for years (months, for some couples), climbing out of a dating rut can be difficult. That’s why we’re making it easy. Grab your significant other and get ready for a good—but different—time. Here are our 10 ways to shake up your date night.

Laugh it up
Crack up at a comedy club with your sweety.

Get cooking
Take a cooking class (bonus points for learning a foreign cuisine).

Take a joy-ride

Rent a fun car—a Prius, a Volkswagen Beetle, a Smart Car, a Mustang—and go for a mini–road trip.

Nighttime adventure
Get a glow-in-the-dark Frisbee and head to the park.

Partner up

Hit the dance floor with salsa or two-step lessons.

Wish upon a star
Visit your local astronomy club’s open-telescope night and go stargazing.

Be a spectator

Watch a new sport; try a monster-truck exhibition or a model-airplane race.

Mix up your music
Try new music. Symphony fans, visit a bluegrass club; rock-and-rollers, give chamber music a try.

Hit the rink

Go roller-skating as a fun outing.

Head out back
Camp out in the backyard for something new.


Simple ways to meet that special someone

Posted: August 28, 2012 in Love
Tags: ,

In today’s modern world, finding that special someone to date could be a great challenge. But there are sure ways for you to find that someone naturally without too much struggling. Basically, making eye contact and finding a balance between confidence and a relaxed demeanour assures him or her that you’re not being pushy or desperate.

Some relationships do spark from friendship and they usually come through ways – a close friend of yours who already understands your personality or someone you’ve met through a mutual friend that’s attracted your unique character.

Instead of trying to be someone you aren’t, be someone you are. If you approach a woman in a natural setting – like a bookstore or a coffee shop – the best way to get your attention and eliminate the stranger barrier is by being yourself. Anything more sets off an alarm.

The number one mistake most men do when attempting to be wrapped up in the world of dating is they don’t pay attention. Along with listening to a woman’s feelings and thoughts, focusing on their body language and appearance sheds light on their personality.

Believe it or not, your body language can sway a women’s opinion in how they perceive you. Slouching shows you’re unconcerned about your body positions but keeping good posture admits you’re concerned about your image among other things.

Some see gyms as a closed setting to “prey” on someone and instantly ask them out but dates don’t always stem from such a scenario. Instead focus on the task at hand (health & fitness) and those around you will spark a conversation if interested, even if you’re testing yourself in the outdoors.

Grooming is important. Spending the time to take care of your image boosts self-esteem and shows you’re responsible.

No matter what situation you find yourself in, maintain confidence to keep your stress levels under control and morale in check. Just remember, it takes initiative to build it and to seize every opportunity that crosses your path.

We all despise and often criticize the number of event invitations we get on Facebook and now is the time to use them. Each event presents a new time and place to meet people, allowing you to use Twitter and other networks to keep in touch with them. You can actually connect two individuals who usually wouldn’t cross paths in everyday life.

Acting in a civilized manner goes a long way, especially if you show a genuine kindness to others.