Falling in love

Posted: November 24, 2010 in Uncategorized
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In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love … Because it’s happening TO YOU. People in love sometimes say, “I was swept off my feet.”

Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened to you. Falling in love is easy. It’s a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It’s the natural cycle of every relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, “Did I marry the right person?”

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfilment.

Extramarital fulfilment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does not lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And Temporarily you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in marriage is not finding the right person; It is learning to love the person you found.

Sustaining love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It’ll never just happen to you. You can’t “find” last love. You have to “make” it day in and day out. That’s why we have the expression “the labour of love.” Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And, most importantly, it takes Wisdom.

You have know what to do to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is not a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise programme makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship will make your marriage stronger.

It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable…You can “make” love.

Love in marriage is indeed a “decision”…Not just a feeling. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge. People make mistakes. “We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

* Pause and ponder.
* Think before you act. Be patient. Forgive and forget. Love one and all.
* If you judge people, you have no time to love them”. – Mother Teresa

* Never take someone for granted, hold every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realise that you have lost a diamond while you were too busy collecting stones.

Source: The Mirror/Ghana

 

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